18.8 C
New York
Sunday, May 26, 2024

What would Football Commentators be like in roman times

What if the Roman Empire had survived? What if the Gladiatorial bouts at the Coliseum had kept going and were like the football matches of today? Millions of people sit and watch this gladiatorial football games shouting at their television and then shouting at their signal when it freezes.  If this keeps happening to you maybe look at getting a TV Aerial Installation Cardiff way sourced from links including https://www.onevisionltd.co.uk/tv-aerial-installation-cardiff to come and take a look to see if you need a new aerial.   What would it be like if they had commentators? Let’s have a look and see.

Cue Britannia Secundus Corporation announcer, “and now on BSC1 it’s time for Slash of the Day with your host Glaivius Linecarius”. Imagine the Match of the Day theme played on horns, panpipes, lyres and lots of drums. It’ll probably sound horrendous but go with it. Cut to Glaivius in a toga.

“Hello, it’s been a very hectic day in the coliseum with some local derby’s threatening to kick off and some relegation battles to boot. Although, after today’s results, only one boot will be needed in the future for some of the competitors. In the studio I’ve got the usual old faces. Danillo Murphicus and Alanus “the Alan” Shevititus. Let’s go over to the action with your match commentator John Motson”.

Image credit

“Well. Glaivius it’s a big match up today with the champion from last year Remus the Ogre from Ostia versus Big Angry Aeneas from Antioch. Last time these two met in the league it was pretty bloody affair with Remus winning two cuts to one but with Aeneas claiming he was offside for the last one. One bit of team news, Attila the Huns new signing Falivus Aetius is out due to ill health and that was due to a quick decapitation, so he is now very ill, I don’t think we’ll see him for the rest of the season, or in fact ever again. Another development is the future of Antoninus Contavius. The Etruscan has been the manager of the North Londinium based side Chelsisum for about II years now but a run of poor results The Emperor confirmed that he and the board of directors were giving him the full support, so I think it’s safe to say that we’ll soon be seeing him up moving on the posting at Hadrian’s Wallsend very soon”.

Image credit

“And here come the players. Remus is a Murmillio that’s the one with the big over sized helmet, a big long shield and what looks like a towel wrapped around the middle. A short stabbing Gladius sword there and the right arm wrapped up to the shoulder. All in the local colours of Roma Ostia. Nice touch I’m sure. Now out comes Angry Aeneas now his sporting the Retius look here. No helmet and just the trident and the net. So, the referee, a Mr Nigelus Pargetter from Corinium blows his whistle and we have kick off. And it’s a quick lunge by Aeneas, hes missed it and sharp move by Remus and…oh. Well that seems to have done it there the head of Aeneas has gone. What’s this though? A jubilant Remus has kicked his head towards his net like some kind of ball. Well I think he’s invented a new game. Back to you in the studio Glaivus…”


Related Articles


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest Articles